Homilies on Psalms 36–38 — Homily 7 — Psalm 37, Homily II — from "Amici mei et proximi mei"
Latin source: Origen's Greek homilies on Psalms 36, 37, and 38, surviving only in Rufinus of Aquileia's Latin translation (c. 401), from the reading text of J.-P. Migne (ed.), Patrologia Graeca 12 (Paris, 1862), cols. 1319–1410 (In Psalmos). This English translation is released into the public domain.On the same psalm, from the passage "My friends and my neighbors".
1. He who confesses to God for his sins, and grieves in spirit while he repents, knowing what punishment threatens the sinner after the departure from this life, speaks these words, setting forth how much he who turns himself to repentance and amendment must suffer, how his friends and neighbors abandon him and are made distant, because he himself has turned to the confession (exomologesis) of his sin and to mourning. He says, then: "My friends and my neighbors drew near against me and stood". Understand for me a man who is faithful, indeed, but nevertheless weak, who could even be overcome by some sin, and who on this account groans over his transgressions, and in every way seeks the care and healing of his wound; even though he has been caught off guard and has fallen, he still wills to recover his healing and salvation. If, then, a man of this kind, mindful of his transgression, confesses what he has committed, and with human embarrassment makes little of those who reproach him as he confesses, and who mark him or mock him — while he, understanding that through this pardon is granted to him, and that on the day of resurrection, in return for the things for which he is now put to shame before men, he will then escape shame and reproach before the angels of God — so that he is unwilling to cover and hide his stain, but proclaims his transgression, and does not wish to be a whitewashed tomb, which outwardly indeed appears beautiful to men, that is, so that to those who see him he may appear as though righteous, but within is filled with all uncleanness and the bones of the dead. If, then, there be someone so faithful that, if he is conscious of anything within himself, he comes forward into the midst and stands forth as his own accuser — but these who do not fear the coming judgment of God, hearing these things, are not weak with those who are weak, are not set aflame with those who are scandalized, do not lie prostrate with those who have fallen, but say: Keep yourself far from me, and do not approach me, for I am clean; and they begin to detest the one whom before they admired, and withdraw from the friendships of him who was unwilling to hide his transgression — concerning these, therefore, he who makes the exomologesis, that is, the confession, consequently says: "My friends and my neighbors drew near against me and stood, and my neighbors stood afar off". But he who desires to be saved after his transgression ought not to dread these things, nor to fear the reproach of those who indeed do not consider their own sins, nor are mindful of the divine Scripture which says: "Do not reproach a man who turns himself away from sin, but remember that we are all in faults". Let him not, therefore, think about such men, but let him think about his own soul, entreating God that he may be heard by Him and lifted up after his fall, so that he may also be able to say what follows: "For I will proclaim my iniquity, and I will take thought for my sin". Although my friends and my neighbors are set against me, and my kin make themselves distant from me, yet I become my own accuser, I confess my crimes with no one convicting me, I am unwilling to imitate those who, even when they are convicted in the courts, and are proved guilty by witnesses, and are even convicted by their torturers, nevertheless conceal their evils, and with them the shame of what they have committed prevails more than the pain of the torment. But I, who know that nothing is hidden from God, but that all things are naked and manifest in His sight — whatever I conceal, I hide what He knows — why do I not rather accuse myself, convict myself? Why do I await an accuser, when my accuser, my conscience, is with me? Perhaps in this way He too will spare me, if I do not spare myself. Therefore "my neighbors stood afar off, and they who sought my soul did violence. And they who sought evils for me spoke vanity". These things again he says of others. For there are certain men who seek evils for the righteous, and do not rejoice so much when they hear something of his good deeds as they take glad congratulation when they hear evils, and, as it were, exult when they see the righteous man in some evils. And these are they who, when they have seen the righteous man confessing his sins, vomit out, as it were, some harmful venom; on account of which he says: "And they who sought my soul did violence. And they who sought evils for me spoke vanities". And truly it is most manifestly perceived that not only those who seek evils for the righteous, but everyone who tries to inflict evils upon anyone whatever, speaks vanity. For he who seeks to do evils does not speak those things which are according to God. Whence it behooves us rather to seek good things. Would that we might even repay good for evil to those who hate us, and either persuade our enemies of the things that are good, or wish to recall their fierce spirits to concord and peace, so that through this "we may become sons of the Father who is in heaven, who commands His sun to rise upon the good and the evil, and rains upon the just and the unjust".
2. "They, therefore, who sought evils for me spoke vanities, and meditated deceit all the day long". See the one who lies in ambush for the righteous. For I already call righteous the one who becomes "his own accuser in the first place", as the word of Scripture indicates. For just as Scripture calls that man wise who, when he is reproved, does not hate the one who reproves him, but rather loves him: so also he is called righteous who, after his transgression, does not persist in his transgressions, nor awaits that the devil become his accuser, nor that the devil bring his sins forward into the midst, but himself reproves and convicts himself, and through his confession is freed from death. For "they who sought evils for me spoke vanity, and meditated deceit all the day long. But I, as though deaf, did not hear". Nothing more excellent than this virtue, nothing more surpassing, can be found: that each one, hearing his slanderers and detractors speaking evil, carping, disparaging, accusing, should himself turn away his ear as though not hearing, and turn aside his eye as though not seeing, lest he be exasperated by wrath and leap forth to vengeance, lest he seek an eye for an eye, nor a word for a word, nor a curse for a curse, nor a lie for a lie, nor a charge for a charge. Such, therefore, is the righteous man: for already, as I said, I call him righteous who through his confession of his sins vomits out his passions.
3. "But I, like one deaf, did not hear, and like one dumb who does not open his mouth. And I became like a man who does not hear". When I was cursed, when I was charged, when men brought forth all reproaches against me, I was like one deaf, and I did not hear, and like one dumb I did not open my mouth, I returned no curses for the curses. But what does it profit us to expound these things? What does it profit us to open these things from the holy Scriptures, if we do not remember them at that very time when the matter requires it, when we are cursed by our brothers, when they disparage us, when we are even assailed to our face with reproaches and insults, when everything is done to stir up our fury and to move our spirit to wrath? Then it behooves us to remember these things, then let us recall that it is written: "I became like a man who does not hear, and who has no rebuke in his mouth". At times someone speaks against me, and perhaps he lies; at times too the things he says are true; I, however, can say much worse of him, and truly say it: And if indeed I am a sinner, and remember none of these things which we have now said, I shall imitate his malice, and by returning curses for curses I shall become like him, but I do not become like God. But if I am righteous, like one deaf I do not hear, and like one dumb having no rebuke in his mouth, I answer nothing, and though I have grounds on which to reprove him, I do not reprove. For I understand that he who reproves rightly ought to reprove without passion, so that he may seek the salvation of the one who is reproved, not vengeance. When, therefore, anyone disparages me, or speaks evil of me, if I reprove him, I do not act fittingly. For out of wrath and indignation I reprove him, wishing to inflict upon him sadness — not that sadness which is according to God, which works repentance unto stable salvation, but the sadness which wounds the soul, does not amend it. If, therefore, we remember these things, we will indeed not do them, but when something of the sort befalls us, we say that "I became like a man who does not hear, and who has no refutations in his mouth". But why have I become such? "Because", he says, "I have hoped in You". For unless I had hoped in You, and had believed Him who says: "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord", I would assuredly have avenged myself: but now I am mindful of that precept by which we are commanded not to avenge ourselves, but to give place to wrath. And you will find these things in the divine Scriptures, and read them. "And I became like a man who does not hear, and who has no rebukes in his mouth. For in You, O Lord, have I hoped; You will hear me, O Lord my God". I, like one deaf, did not hear those who charged me, but do You hear the things which they speak. If we were such as the divine word wishes us to be, like Elijah, we would assuredly say to God that He should give rain, and it would rain: like Samuel in the days of the harvests we would ask that He furnish from heaven an abundance of showers, and we would be heard. But how will God hear us, when we ourselves do not hear? How will He do what we wish, when we do not do the things which He wishes? God wishes us to be such that we may speak with God as though gods. He wishes us to be sons of God, that we may become fellows and coheirs, sons of God, and may say as He Himself said: "Father, I know that You always hear me". We know that God said to us: "I have said: You are gods, and all of you sons of the Most High". But we, according to our merits, rather await that of which we are worthy, and what follows: "But you shall die like men, and shall fall like one of the princes".
4. "For I said: Lest my enemies ever insult over me". When I was charged, and did not return like for like to those who charged me, I said these things: "If I have repaid those who requited me with evils", I shall assuredly be forsaken by God, and, forsaken, I must needs fall. And when I have fallen, my enemies will insult over me. But if I do not repay evils for evils, but leave the judgment to God, aided by Him I shall not fall down, but shall stand firmly, and my enemies will not insult over me. I also said this: "While my feet were being moved, they spoke great things against me". As long as I stand undismayed and unmoved, my enemies will not speak great things against me, for they have nothing to say. But as soon as I waver — I will not say, fall — at once they will begin to reproach and to say: Do you see this man? Behold, what has he himself done! And while he teaches these things, he does other things, does things contrary to those which he teaches. These men, therefore, must needs say some such thing: "While my feet are moved they spoke great things over me". But another, better as regards the persons who are brought forward by the prophets, or who compare themselves to one another, says this: "But as for me, my feet were moved a little short of it". That man's feet were moved, but mine were moved a little short of it. But perhaps there may be some other, whose feet were not moved even a little, nor a little short of it — that one, I suppose, who says: "He set my feet upon a rock". That one testifies nothing at all about a moving of his feet, but about their stability. Blessed, therefore, are we if no moving at all is charged in our feet, but they stand upon the rock, that is, upon the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. But if we cannot be so stable, let this second and lower degree at least receive us, that our steps may be moved even but a little short of it.
5. "For I am ready for scourges". This too is the voice of a good and, so to speak, excellent sinner, who has indeed transgressed, yet awaits the scourges of his transgressions, by which he wishes to be amended in the present, lest he be punished and perish in the future. Set before your eyes a sinner saying to the Lord: I, because I have sinned, am even now ready for scourges; do not reserve me for eternal fire, do not reserve me for the outer darkness. While I am in this life, requite me for my sins, since You scourge every son whom You receive. I beseech You, scourge me too, and do not reserve me with those who are not scourged, who "are not in the labors of men, and shall not be scourged with men", that is, who are utterly forsaken by You, whose amendment and correction You do not seek. Knowing, therefore, what difference there is when a sinner is scourged by Him who "scourges every son whom He receives", and what difference there is in him who is not held worthy of scourges, he says to the Lord: I am ready for scourges, that is, if You will bring illnesses upon me, send sicknesses, I shall bear it tolerably: I know that I am worthy that not only through sicknesses my sins be loosed, but I desire to be purged through all afflictions, only that I be not reserved for eternal punishments and torments. If it please You to inflict losses, I endure it; if it please You that all my possessions perish, let them utterly perish, only that my soul perish not before You. If through the death of my dear ones and kin You will to purge me, let them too die, that they too may be freed from bonds of this kind; let my children be taken away, while they are yet boys, and, placed in tender years, are not yet stained with the graver filth of sins. With all scourges, therefore, I am ready to be amended and beaten, and I refuse none of these things, only that I may flee the punishments of eternal fire. "I, therefore, am ready for scourges, and my sorrow is ever before me". I have my sorrow before my eyes, that I may be able to compensate for the coming sorrows of punishments by present sorrows.
6. "For I proclaim my iniquity". The proclamation of iniquity, that is, the confession of sin, we have spoken of rather often. See, then, what the divine Scripture teaches us: that one ought not to hide sin within. For perhaps, just as those who have shut up within an undigested food, or an abundance of humor or phlegm remaining heavily and troublesomely in the stomach, are relieved if they vomit: so also those who have sinned, if indeed they hide and retain sin within themselves, are pressed within, and are all but suffocated by the phlegm, or humor, of sin. But if one becomes his own accuser, while he accuses and confesses himself, he at once vomits out both the transgression and digests every cause of the disease. Only look around more carefully to whom you ought to confess your sin. First test the physician to whom you ought to lay open the cause of your sickness, who knows how to be weak with the one who is weak, to weep with the one who weeps, who understands the discipline of grieving-with and suffering-with: so that thus at last, if that one — who has first shown himself both a learned physician and a merciful one — shall say anything, if he give any counsel, you may do it, and follow it; if he understands and foresees that your sickness is such as ought to be laid open and cured in the assembly of the whole Church, from which perhaps others too may be edified, and you yourself easily healed, this is to be managed with much deliberation and by the sufficiently skilled counsel of that physician. "For I will proclaim my iniquity, and I will take thought for my sin". Whoever of you is conscious to himself of some sin, and is so untroubled as though he had done nothing evil, let him be moved by this word which says: "I will take thought for my sin". It is good that he who transgresses be not untroubled, nor, as though he had transgressed nothing, bear no anxiety, nor consider how he may be able to blot out his sin. If some stain or wound arise on your body, or it swell up from some bruise, you are anxious and inquire what care ought to be applied, how the former health may be restored to the body. If some bitter humor pour itself around the eyes, you are anxious, and inquire how you may succor yourself and forestall blindness. When your soul is sick, and is pressed by the sicknesses of sins, are you untroubled, do you make little of Gehenna, and despise and mock the punishments of eternal fire? Do you make light of the judgment of God, and despise the Church that admonishes you? Do you not fear to communicate the body of Christ, approaching to the Eucharist as though clean and pure, as though there were nothing in you unworthy, and in all these things think that you escape the judgment of God? Do you not recall that which is written, that "For this cause many among you are weak, and sick, and many sleep"? Why are many weak? Because they do not judge themselves, nor examine themselves, nor understand what it is to communicate with the Church, or what it is to approach to such and so exceptional sacraments. They suffer that which the feverish are wont to suffer, when they take beforehand the foods of the healthy, bringing destruction upon themselves. This much concerning that which was said: "I will take thought for my sin".
7. There follows: "But my enemies live, and are strengthened over me". To all which that phrase ought to sound as an undertone: "But I will take thought for my sin". And though I see — for often we sinners, if we see our enemies living more boldly, are saddened, and pour out complaints against the divine providence. But he who wishes to be saved should always answer himself this to all these things: even if "my enemies live, and are strengthened over me", yet I "will take thought for my sin". And though I see that I am a sinner, yet, considering also the sins of others which are perhaps graver, seeing too that they are not anxious for their sins, comparing myself to those who consider nothing at all about their most grievous transgressions, and taking thought for my sin, I have hope in You.
8. "And they who hate me unjustly are multiplied". It is impossible for one placed in this life not to be held in hatred. Christ Jesus was held in hatred. And why do I say it is impossible for one placed in this life not to be held in hatred? God Himself, who did not come into this life, is held in hatred by some. For if He were not held in hatred, the Prophet would by no means say: "Did I not hate those who hate You, O Lord, and pine away over Your enemies? With perfect hatred I hated them". The Marcionites, and Basilides, and the Valentinians hated God, and hated His words. Since, therefore, God is held in hatred, and Christ is made anathema by the Jews even to this present day, since the Holy Spirit who spoke in the prophets is held in hatred by the heretics, do you wish not to be held in hatred, but to be loved and blessed by all? See lest that sentence find you which says: "Woe when all men shall have blessed you". Nay rather, let us observe this only, that we too may say, that "they who hate me unjustly are multiplied". I wish, when I am held in hatred, that my conscience may know that I suffer hatred unjustly. The prophets too were held in hatred, but unjustly; Christ was held in hatred, but without cause. But if I am held in hatred for my sin, I cannot say that "they who hate me unjustly are multiplied". For I am justly held in hatred, if I am hated on account of my dishonorable and base acts. I cannot say that they hate me without cause. And would that we too might be able to say with such confidence, that "they who hate me unjustly are multiplied".
9. "Who repay me evils for good". I indeed did good with them, but they, forgetting my good deeds, repaid evils for good, they charged me, because I followed righteousness. My enemies charge me and reproach me for those things, if any were ever committed by me, and are not ashamed at me who follow after righteousness, nor grant pardon for past evils in return for present goods. But do You, O Lord, "because I followed after righteousness, do not forsake me, O Lord my God". And this is the voice of one confessing and asking for mercy: "Do not forsake me, O Lord my God, do not depart from me". In another psalm indeed he says: "Take not Your Holy Spirit from me". In this he says to God Himself: "Do not depart from me". From which it is shown that from certain persons, according to their merits, God departs, and with others, according to their merits, He remains. Unhappy, however, is that man from whom God has departed, but blessed is he with whom God remains. "Attend unto my help, O Lord, God of my salvation". Let us too, therefore, pray and say: Attend unto my help, for great is the battle, and the adversaries are mighty. The foe is hostile, the invisible enemy assails through these visible ones. Attend, therefore, unto our help, and help us through Your holy Son our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom You have redeemed us all, through whom to You be glory and power unto the ages of ages. Amen.