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Questions & Answers

Marital Relationship

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Marriage and Family › Marital Relationship

The question

Your Grace mentioned in the love sermon during the Graduate Convention that for married couples, neither dependence nor independence is good. Interdependence is what is best.

  1. What is the definition of interdependence? What is a healthy level of dependence and independence (the balance between both)?


  2. How about couples who are still courting or who are engaged? Should they exhibit the same level of interdependence in practice for marriage?


  3. For courting couples, what level of dependency is healthy? Is there a rule on that or is it as long as the relationship is godly and prayerful in all steps, then move at a comfortable pace towards interdependency?

The answer

1- Interdependence is the ability to interact, function, and achieve fulfillment with a balance of mutual collaboration, interconnectedness, enjoyment, and appreciation of each other's contribution, as well as, acceptance of one's own self-worth.

  

2- Interdependence is a process of social development. It is an essential ingredient in healthy relationships, whether pre-marital, marital, or familial. People that tend to be dependent or independent were often raised in a manner that would promote one or the other. Interdependence is the healthy balance and understanding that as individuals in a relationship, we need each other, but we are not needy. Likewise, over-independence can push someone away and make him/her feel that he/she is unwanted, unwelcomed, or unloved. Interdependence allows for a level of independence and security without doubt of his/her value in the other's perception.

  

3- If one was not raised in a climate of interdependence, then it will be a gradual process towards learned interdependence. Not only will new behaviors need to be learned, but also new ways of thinking about things, and new ways of interpreting things will be part of the process.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 1628 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.