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Questions & Answers

Family Problems

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Marriage and Family › Family Problems

The question

My dad goes out of town, and is always busy with his work and many other things. When my sister and I have a problem with my dad, he doesn't really listen and is very hard to talk to, It is useless, either my sister or myself, trying to talk to him or even convince him . For example I was sick last night with a temperature of 103. Therefore, I was not able to go camping with my Girls Scouts. Then when I got better, my friend, my sister, and I planned to go to the movies instead. My dad refused saying that if I were strong enough to go to the movies; I might as well go camping. The doctor said that I was not able to do anything this weekend. Although I do not enjoy going on the camping trips, I agreed to go because I thought that was the condition my father has put in order to allow me to go to the movies. When this didn’t work out, my sister and I cancelled the movies. I called my dad to let him know about my last decision, not knowing that he would force me to go on the camping trip. Then I had to explain the situation to my friend's mom who called my dad. After half an hour trying to convince him, he agreed to let me not go camping but asked me to return home from my friend’s house where I was staying. My friend had a test to take on the computer and needed to take it at her house, so now she would go to her house and take the test and THEN come back to our house. Despite all this confusion, we said ok. So I would like to hear your opinion about this, and tell me if I am doing something wrong because I try my hardest to keep everyone happy.

The answer

I hope you will not be upset with what I am going to say. I think you wanted to go to the movie so much to the point that you could not reason the situation. You were sick, you had a fever; you had to go to the doctor who clearly said to stay home. Your reaction should have been to just go home and rest. You discussed the matter and came to a convenient excuse that you did not want the kids at camp to get sick. How about the audience at the movie theater which is a much confined place?

Don’t you think that someone in your health condition, should not go camping, but also should not go to the movie or even stay at someone else's house?

I think the problem is that you misrepresented the situation to your dad. By telling him you wanted to go to see a movie you surely showed no commitment to the girls scouts you are enrolled in. Also your dad might have taken it to mean that you were not that sick and it was just an excuse to skip the trip. Do not blame your dad for having your friend go back and forth because of her test. Wasn't she planning on going to the movie with you?

I want you also to weigh what you would have gained morally by going to the movie against the values you would have gained from the Girls Scouts camp experience. Which do you think your father would rather have you go to?

You might be frustrated with your dad because he is always busy but the best way to approach this is to talk to him about it and show him how much you love him and miss him. Do not visualize him as your enemy, I am sure he loves you and cares a lot about you, so much that he wants to make sure he will find you home when he comes back. This is a sign of love and caring not just rules as you picture it. You should open a line of communication with him. Tell him how you feel and listen to what he has to say bearing in mind that he wants the best for you.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Related questions

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 189 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.