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Relationships

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Youth, Dating and Friendship › Relationships

The question

I am in my mid-twenties and have been with someone for almost 5 years. I am 100% sure that she is the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. We have lot in common, we love each other so much, and we pray for this relationship everyday. The problem is her mom doesn't want me, doesn't know me, and had never seen me. She only knew my first name. Her mom wants her to live in another state with her sisters and leave me. I can't live without her nor can without me.

I finally went to visit her parents at their work—a family business. They said I am still young and not yet ready for marriage. I felt they liked me and just said later we will see, but first, just get your licenses. I already finished school in this particular trade and I am working toward licensure now. The next day she told me that her parents don't want me still because they think I am not for her and that my education is not enough. She said we shouldn’t talk any more because no matter how hard we fight for it, if her parents are not happy still, she can’t treat her parents like this. She said it's impossible right now that they will say yes, but I still have hope. I don't know if I should. I can't imagine my life without her—too many memories. The only hope I have right now is to get my licenses and work and try again. We really need each other, but I don't know what do. Last night was the last time we talked and I feel like I died alive.

The answer

Seeking advice from the Church is an important step in hearing God's voice. Another equally critical step is that you follow that spiritual advice. Though you love this young lady very much and know in your heart that she is the right wife for you and you the right husband for her, both of you must be at peace with your parents and honor them. If her mother does not know you, then how can she like you or approve of you? Keep your intentions and petition regarding this matter in your prayers and ask your confession father to also pray for you. It is good that you found an opportunity to meet her mother and courteously approach her with seriousness in requesting to marry her daughter. Any mother needs to be at peace regarding the future and well being of her daughter. There is something that is producing a lack of comfort for her mom regarding you. Try to discover what that may be and address it. Though the church will not prevent your request for marriage without parental blessings, it is not spiritually advised. Try to reconcile your differences now so that you may have a strong foundation upon which to build your home and family into a small church. If approved, make another visit or several visits to her family home to alleviate their insecurities regarding the mom's fear of her daughter marrying you. You took the right steps by addressing her parents. Perhaps her parents did like you as a person, but maybe they may want to see more ambition on your part beyond obtaining licensure in this vocation. Although, this is a good career choice, her parents are probably concerned about their daughter and grandchildren's financial security in the future. It is not unreasonable for parents to have these concerns. In the meantime, take extra courses to learn how to manage your finances wisely and how you can further your career.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

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