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Questions & Answers

Past Sins

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Spiritual Life › Past Sins

The question

I am with a girl who was not very religious before I met her. We have fallen into the temptation of sex many times, but have now vowed to remain celibate until marriage (if God ordains it for us). However, I have recently found out about her sexual past. She has had sex with many men, and I feel very uncomfortable about it. It feels as if I do not even recognize her anymore. After nearly breaking up, she told me that she very much regrets her actions and is ashamed of her past. However, I cannot stop seeing these images in my head. She is a very good person and cares for me deeply. Is it better for me to break it off with this girl or is there something that I need to do come to terms with this?

The answer

Just as you have experienced, ending sexual relations is not easy. For that reason, it is clear why this young lady had several encounters with men with whom she was in relationships. This became a normal aspect of her relationships, and in which you also participated, albeit, the Church teaches that sex before marriage is prohibited. Therefore, you both need to repent and confess, even if you decide now to remain celibate. 

In regard to her previous relationships, it seems that you are very bothered by knowing about her past, especially because sexual activity was repeatedly involved. Do not judge her for the same sin that you willingly pursued and to which you willingly contended. Neither of you can undo the past. You have a choice to move forward from here, either together or apart. Whether together or apart, you both need to confess these sins and receive absolution from your confession father(s). Also, your age is an important factor? If you are young, how can you make a commitment now for marriage? Absolution will provide you both with a new beginning void of those past transgressions.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 2305 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.