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Intercultural Marriages

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Marriage and Family › Intercultural Marriages

Intercultural Marriages 16Marriage 64

The question

I was recently baptized in the Coptic Church and will soon marry a Coptic man, the love of my life. Unfortunately, a very close relative in his immediate family just passed away. From what I understand, there is a mourning period? We have not had an official engagement in the church yet because our priest was not available. My fiancée told me he is concerned what his family will think about our engagement if we do it before the forty-day-memorial of the passing of their loved one, and also, our wedding date is not at least a year after his passing. I hope this will not affect our wedding date because many people planned to attend, and deposits for the wedding have already been paid. I feel hurt and in the dark about things and that his family meddles and imposes on him too much financially and they are more of a priority than us.

1. Is there a mourning period?
2. What is going on with his family?
3. Is this going to mess up our wedding date and delay our official engagement in the church?

The answer

1. The Holy Scripture teaches, "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3). Different cultures and different religions and different people express their grief in different ways. Forty days of a mourning period is customary for most Copts. True love is a bond that transcends the joys and merriment in life. Sharing in each other's joys and griefs is a powerful expression of love. You will gain more love and respect from his family by sharing in the pain of your fianc 's and his family's heartache and grief. Marriage is a lifelong bond. Your family is his and his family is yours.

2. What is going on with his family is most likely the result of their grief. St. Paul instructs us, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). In the Coptic Orthodox faith, when two people marry, the two families are united. The spouse is a priority, but this should not negate the responsibilities for each other's their family. You need to agree on reasonable boundaries, and you should also care about each other's families and help them when you can, emotionally and financially, if possible. Have an open and generous heart with them and you will win their hearts. This unfortunate incident of the passing of your fianc 's loved one is a real test of the meaning of love and family.

3. This mourning period should not affect the wedding date because although an engagement is an important liturgical formality, it can be officiated any time before the Crowning Ceremony. In former days and in more traditional customs, the engagement period was designated as a time for a couple to get to know each other. However, in contemporary times, most couples have already gotten to know each other before the proposal; then, they plan for their engagement. Nonetheless, the engagement is a liturgical rite and must take place some time before the Crowning Ceremony. The way you handle this situation will have an impact, whether positive or negative, on your relations with your fianc  and his family.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Related questions

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 2480 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.