SPSA Church Giving (opens in a new tab)

Questions & Answers

Virginity

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › St. Mary and the Saints › Virginity

The question

Modern American culture seems to perpetuate this idea that virginity in a man who is above a certain age is something that makes him defective, pathetic, and unmanly. Saving your virginity for marriage is more tolerated for women but having sex for the first time is made out to be a "rite of passage" for a man in America. Therefore, a man who has not had sex is often treated as being "less of a man." This has caused some men who are virgins to become very depressed because they think their virginity makes them hated by women. I have heard some women say they dislike virgins because they say their virginity shows that there must be something wrong with or unlikable about them if no woman has had sex with them or even that they must hate women because of it. How should we as Christians help these people and respond to this situation from the world? Can we say that virginity is a manly quality for men? Our Lord was a virgin His whole life and He is our model for being a man, but can this also apply to those who choose to marry?

The answer

The Apostle Paul pleads saying, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:1-2). Unfortunately, many young men are deceived into thinking that being sexually active is a sign of manhood. This erroneous belief is perpetuated by the media and a rapidly declining amoral culture. Isaiah the prophet prophesied and warned, "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" (Isaiah 5:20). It is imperative that Christians teach, model, and live a Christ-like life, but few are willing to emphasize the importance of modesty and chastity. Preserving one's virginity is exercising self-control, which is a powerful virtue, "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city" (Proverbs 16:32). Immorality in the culture is glamourized by the media and adds pressure on youth to conform to unchaste expectations. Thus, we need to empower our children while they are still young. We need to build their confidence and teach them to be resilient and know right from wrong. Youth need to know and understand their belief system so when they are confronted by the wrongs in society, they can assertively articulate their faith with courage and conviction. We cannot succumb to society's ever-changing norms, and we cannot allow others to ridicule us simply because we refuse to engage in inappropriate behavior. Therefore, we must build up our young men and women and empower them, starting as early as possible.

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Related questions

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 2483 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.