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Relationships

Faith Q&A › Metropolitan Youssef › Youth, Dating and Friendship › Relationships

The question

I feel like I am ultra-conservative in many things. For instance, I am 100% against dancing, drinking, television, and worldly music. I know a girl who is good, serves in the church, serves people outside of the church, loves everyone, etc. But we both know there are small differences between us. She listens to the radio, songs that are not bad, but songs that are not necessarily Christian either. She is against dancing when it is sensual, but feels that it’s ok when it’s not provocative. She is against drinking when it is for the purpose of getting drunk, but she feels that it is ok, occasionally. In other words, she may be 90% against something while I am 100% against it.

Is that important? I'm trying to debate how important that is to me. Please guide me.

The answer

St. Paul gave us four criteria in order to be able to answer these questions.
  1. Is it helpful? (1 Corinthians 6:12)

  2. Is it controlling me? (1 Corinthians 6:12)

  3. Does it edify? (1 Corinthians 10: 23)

  4. Does it make my brother stumble (Romans 14: 21)


If you apply these four rules for non Christian music, dancing, and drinking; you will find that although some of these activities in themselves are not sins but on the other hand, they may make my brother stumble, do not edify, may control me, and definitely not helpful. That is why the church advocates complete abstinence. It is better that you and the girl that you are choosing to be your wife to have the same values and standards, otherwise, this will be potential for many conflicts in the future.

“from all appearance of evil refrain yourself” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

Answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab)

Related questions

Questions answered by His Eminence Metropolitan Youssef (opens in a new tab) of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. Question 1540 on the Diocese’s Q&A site. Questions and answers © Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States. All rights reserved.